Wednesday, December 13, 2006

The Impster


Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowl full of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content.

"Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.

So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?"

"What," replied the Marine, "and have you three Assholes report that I was the aggressor?

Our own dear poster, Impertinent, sent us this goodie--enjoy!


Anonymous bobcat said...


4:50 PM  
Anonymous teller said...

My, that is apt...

5:01 PM  
Blogger VerityINK said...

You know, I don't know what in the hell is the matter with people here... We had a crane collapse last year, one in Kirkland collapsed over a building and killed a guy about a month ago--and now, a crane 2 blocks from us was whipping a chain around in the bad wind were having here--and the swinging chain just busted out the top windows of the Bank of California, or some such! It showered the sidewalk with shards of glass! They'd better get the crane situation figured out. My doc's office is at the base of that crane--we park our car directly under it when we have an office visit.

Someone just crashed into one of our underpasses or bridges; they were 2 inches higher than the clearance...

Jeez, we've got whitecaps over our floating bridge and up the West Seattle sea wall!

We lost our cable for part of the day...

5:10 PM  
Blogger VerityINK said...

God Love America! They just decided to get tough on panhandlers downtown; anyone asking for money within 6 ft. of a building entrance might have to pay a $1000 fine...That'll take a LOT of panhandling to pay off! LOL!

5:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, had it been my joke the three stooges would have been sitting there until the DEMS could come to their rescue...

Still funny...


5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one Imp,hey I've sent you an e-mail,how are you,whats new? J'Mac

6:12 PM  
Blogger Brooke said...


6:15 PM  
Blogger The Merry Widow said...

Needed that, Thanks Imp!


4:36 AM  

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